No Cost Stimulus Act of 2009

No Cost Stimulus Act of 2009 - Deems the Draft Proposed Outer Continental Shelf Oil and Gas Leasing Program 2010-2015 issued by the Secretary of the Interior approved as a final oil and gas leasing program under the Outer Continental Shelf Lands Act (OCSLA). Deems the Secretary to have issued a final environmental impact statement for the program under the National Environmental Policy Act of 1969 (NEPA).

Directs the Secretary to conduct a lease sale in each outer Continental Shelf (OCS) planning area for which there is a commercial interest in purchasing federal oil and gas production leases.

Authorizes the Secretary to conduct commercial lease sales of federally-owned resources to: (1) produce renewable energy; or (2) cultivate marine organisms in their natural habitat.

Amends OCSLA to direct the Secretary to develop: (1) a plan to address streamlining the process of making payments to states; and (2) a procedure to provide expedited funding to projects.

Amends the Submerged Lands Act to extend from three geographical miles to 12 nautical miles a coastal state's allowable seaward boundary.

Authorizes the leasing of land within the 1002 Coastal Plain Area of Alaska to any person qualified to obtain a lease for deposits of oil and gas under the Mineral Leasing Act. Prescribes procedures for lease sales and grants of leases.

Directs the Secretary to administer the leasing program, with respect to Coastal Plain environmental protection, according to the No Significant Adverse Effect Standard.

Establishes the Coastal Plain Local Government Impact Aid Assistance Fund to finance local government impact aid and community service assistance.

Establishes an Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) Alternative Energy Trust Fund.

Amends the Oil Shale, Tar Sands, and Other Strategic Unconventional Fuels Act of 2005 to require the Secretary to conduct related lease sales in any state during any period for which there is sufficient support and interest in the state in the development of tar sands and oil shale resources.

Amends the Atomic Energy Act of 1954 to repeal the requirement of 30 days' public notice before a hearing on each application for a construction permit for a new new nuclear power plant.

Grants the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia exclusive jurisdiction to hear all causes and claims arising from any covered project of federal land leasing for exploitation of oil, natural gas, or any other source or form of energy.

Amends NEPA to require completion and review of environmental impact statements within 270 days after their commencement or the action concerned shall be considered a final agency action with no significant environmental impact.

Amends the Clean Air Act to declare that carbon dioxide, methane from agriculture or livestock, or water vapor are not air pollutants.

Amends the Endangered Species Act of 1973 (ESA) to require the Secretary concerned, upon the declaration of an emergency by a state governor, for the duration of the emergency, to exempt from the prohibition against taking, and against adverse modification of critical habitat, any action reasonably necessary to avoid or ameliorate the impact of the emergency, including the operation of any water supply or flood control project by a federal agency.

Prohibits consideration of the impact of greenhouse gas on any species of fish or wildlife or plant for any purpose in the implementation of the ESA.